Karamatsu Is (Not) A Memelord
by OliverxFukase
Summary: Karamatsu makes a meme and Todomatsu destroys his entire life. It started as a thing like 'Can I draw Osomatsu-San NSFW' And the answer is no because these Sextuplets are hard to draw with a finger. I'm really confused because they are so hard for no reason.


"Heh. _Buraza_ , come check out this new meme I made" Karamatsu said. "I'm very insecure about myself, and my sunglasses aren't going to cover all of those insecurities. So, I put my meme out there on the internet just to let people know that I find self-deprecation very funny and I joke about my "depression".", he explained.

Todomatsu glared at his brother, leaving not even a single hint of emotion on his face.

"Do you really think you're funny, Kara?" he started violently, despite using a surprisingly calm tone. "Do you actually think you're the fucking memelord for saying "durhur, I hide my "crippling depression" under my tiny sunglasses" on the Internet?"

"Hey _a_ , it's just a meme, no need to be so upset. After all, it's _C_."

Todomatsu looked at Karamatsu like he had just killed both of their parents and had no regrets about it whatsoever. Tension could be felt between the two.

And then, he chuckled maliciously before answering.

"I see. You're making use of the famous "Ironic Meme" card, which prevents you from getting shit thrown at you. But you know what, brother ? I really wish I had been the only child in the womb of our mother."

If Todomatsu's eyes could act out, they'd be killing Kara with the fury that was expressed through them at this very moment.

"Wait... but what about our brothers? You love them, right Totty?" Karamatsu questioned, sudden concern in his tone.

"What brothers? These brothers?" Todomatsu asked in the most sarcastic manner, while pointing towards their "apparent" remaining siblings. "Are you for real? Do you seriously think our mom, who's about 5"11 and stuck in a such skinny body, would have survived with 6 annoying children like you? You're already a pain in the ass. Her belly would have fucking bursted out from so many N.E.E.T.S in her body."

Karamatsu stared at his younger brother in utter confusion. At this point, it was either something was awfully wrong with Todomatsu... Or he was the one in the wrong.

"Bu-bu-bu-but... if there were only two Matsuno in her womb... how could we interact with them like we do each and every day?"

"Listen, you retarded fuck. Your "brothers" are all from your imagination. I merely played your game. You made up personalities to fit your entire life, and it all started back when you were only 4 years old. You were a very adventurous child for your small 3 feet tall body. Dad and Mom were always looking for you whenever we went out. I remember the crucial incident which changed our lives very clearly... You were next to me and dared me to do some stupid shit. Like, for example, jump into the FUCKING Gorilla pit. I didn't listen to your dumb suggestion of a dare, of course, but it seems like you really wanted to have it your way and you jumped right in."

Todomatsu sighed sharply before continuing on forward with his story.

"After being mauled by the big ass monkey living down into the pit, you were hospitalised... for about two years. Yeah, you heard me. You fell into a deep coma, Karamatsu. And when you finally started interacting with me, you were acting odd. You started talking to some Ichimatsu, Choromatsu and other people with the suffix "matsu" at the end of their name, just like both of ours. And each one of those new persons represented an emotion. The only exception being Ichimatsu, who's purpose was to symbolize lack of interest, emotions and sensation, and also for unleashing your hidden furry side."

Karamatsu was at an incredible loss of words. Totty could easily tell the shock from hearing him out was making him absolutely stressed out. And he was sweating heavily, as well.

"Todomatsu..." the older brother finally spoke. "If you're my one and only real brother, how come you can see my other four "fictional" brothers seated next to you?" He pointed at a representation of Jyushimatsu placed close to the "sixth" brother.

"Oh, those." Totty laughed. "Well, you are into your dying memories, Karamatsu. And I am part of them, too. You never made it back home. You see, your entire life as of today has been spent laying down in a hospital bed, deep into coma. Don't believe me? Try to guess what year, or at least, what era we are currently in."

"...We're in the 60's. April 1966 maybe ?" Karamatsu answered doubtingly.

"Wrong." Totty responded dryly. "We're actually in July 2017. Seriously, how in the world do you think we could look this youthful if we were 61 years old?"

"We aren't in our twenties!?"

"In your head, we are indeed in our twenties. In reality however, we sure as hell aren't. Like I said previously, you've been in a coma since 1960 because of the incident. As of me, I died in the mid 80's summer because of my addiction to crack."

The four made-up siblings, who were sitting under the kotatsu, all started to vanish slowly from the hospital room. Todomatsu was the only one to remain. He stood up and started walking towards the window.

"Oh... can you see it, Kara? The process has already begun." Todomatsu stated, with quite a menacing grin forming on its lips.

"Wh-what are you talking about, Totty? What process?"

"Isn't it obvious? You've ran out of time, Karamatsu Matsuno ! Our parents, who simply cannot afford to pay for your hospitalization anymore, finally decided to pull the plug on you. No more Karamatsu, no more second season of Karamatsu-San on Crunchyroll."

The younger brother took a last turn to look at his eldest, displaying his merciless facial expression.

"See ya, Karamatsu."

As Todomatsu faded out from the room, Karamatsu was left all to himself, along with his last meme about his very own self, which was the only person he could truly admire during his meaningless life. Warm tears began to flow down the man's reddened cheeks as he was recalling every scene from what he thought were series involving him and his five other brothers, Osomatsu-kun and Osomatsu-San. Gradually, he started realising that everything Todomatsu revealed to him was in fact true. There never was an Osomatsu, Choromatsu, Ichimatsu or even a Jyushimatsu. That time Chibita had stolen six milk bottles from them in the 7th episode of the 1988 reboot ? Turns out the small oden lover swiped only one bottle in the end. And it was his. Yes, Karamatsu had indeed always been a lonely, isolated man.

As the walls of the room began to crumble down and made way solely for emptiness, he began losing precious memories he had with his "brothers", as if they were actual, real human beings with feelings and personalities of their own. Karamatsu remembered the good times spent at older Chibita's oden stand together, meeting up again with Hatabou -or rather, Mr. Flag- and seeing him talking via Skype with Obama while Choromatsu yelled "Obama!".

Ah, how unfortunate that he would never relive these memories again.

How unfortunate that these memories were fabricated.

How unfortunate that he had, in fact, not lived at all.

How unfortunate.

As his body started to vanish just like Todomatsu's, he understood and accepted that these were his very last moments. And so,he spoke his last cherished figment of thought to the public.

 _Sayonara. Karamatsu Girls..._


End file.
